This week’s columbo villian of the week is the original orange man: Robert Kilroy-Silk.
Kilroy is best known as the presenter of “Kilroy”, a daytime talk show that ran for eighteen years in the UK for reasons known to no one I can think of.
Kilroy, arguably the person responsible for Jeremy Kyle, managed to get himself fired for some very unfortunate comments he made in a newspaper about certain ethnic minorities.
Kilroy’s defence was fairly unique: He claimed it wasn’t a big deal because the views he expressed had already been published once before and no one noticed.
The BBC, unsurprisingly, fired him.
Never one to rest on his laurels, Kilroy-Silk decided that being fired for being a racist bigot uniquely qualified him for a career in European politics. He ran as an MEP for UKIP, got elected, fell out with their leader, got kicked out and formed his own party. He was later deposed as leader of his party he created.
Yes, this is a man at home with his own ego. And a family sized tub of perma-tan.
Since his own show ended he’s appeared on “Have I Got News For You”, “Kilroy: Behind the Tan” and “Kilroy and the Gypsies”. Andrew Lansley MP has allegedly asked if there is anything the man won’t do for publicity. I don’t think so.
In fact in recent months he’s been so quiet I think he’s up to something. I can see it now…
As his grip on his MEP seat loosens Kilroy looks back on his career with bitterness, viewing his firing as the beginning of the end and seeing himself as the true king of daytime talk.
Fed up of wallowing in self pity he resolves to retake his throne from the young pretender: Jeremy Kyle.
Kilroy approaches Kyle, himself no stranger to perma-tan, and floats the idea of being a guest presenter on Kyle’s show, the subject: TV Racism. It’s TV gold and Kyle knows it, he signs Kilroy on the spot.
The wheels are set in motion.
The TV Racism Special airs live on ITV, a pointed snub to Kilroy’s old channel, Kilroy has already placed a plant in the audience. As they move to the first commercial Kyle lays into a member of the audience, the man is Kilroy’s plant and he beats the presenter to death with the microphone.
On live television Kilroy restrains the man, administers CPR (unsuccessful) and then finishes the show to general aplomb. The king is back.
A new TV deal follows swiftly on the heels of the incident, a biography is slated for the spring and there is talk of him standing for the UK parliament.
All is well.
Then Kilroy, ever the architect of his own downfall, decides to do a special on homicide detectives, he invites a renowned US detective over as a guest. A small, bumbling, unimpressive man with a penchant for rumpled suits and noxious cigars; a man who asks awkward questions and has friends at Scotland Yard.
A man with just one more question…
Er, no. He was never leader of the UK Independence Party.
My Bad. He’s still a muppet.
And now corrected. My error. Not his muppetry. I don’t do miracles.
But if he were leader of UKIP, that would give us something to talk about. I shudder at the thought!
And I forgot to mention, but fantastic idea about Kilroy’s TV return. Secretly, you know you want him back!
I never know who any of these people are… bring back Amy Winehouse
Funny you should say that, all of a sudden all traffic to that post has choked off. Overnight.
All a bit strange.