Friday Flash Fiction: Precious

25 04 2008

This story has moved. You can read the full tale here: http://www.neilbeynon.com/fiction/precious/

I was vaguely surprised to realise this is my forty-second FFF entry, really – given the number – it should be a comedic reflection on the meaning of life but sadly that’s not what I wrote. Hope you like it anyway, feedback – as ever – is welcome. Here goes:

Precious
By Neil Beynon

The door pops open without warning. It cracks loudly against the wall like a gunshot and causes Sarah to jump, spraying dishwater across the kitchen. There’s a low cursing from the doorway; she slips one rubber-covered hand around the textured grip of one of the knives she’s just cleaned.

#

The sheets are still warm and damp. She watches him pulling on his underwear in the netted light as she enjoys the feeling of warmth on her bare skin, the warm glow in the pit of her stomach. It seems like the afternoon is cast in chocolate; a sugar coated moment ready to melt into a gooey mess without warning and flecked with guilt.

#

The air from the open door is cold and Sarah’s skin is a chain mail of goose bumps as she moves towards the intruder, the faint smell of dishwater and wet rubber following her like a fetid cloud. There’s a man in the hallway so ancient he looks like he’s crawled out of the grave, he leans on the wall, one age stained hand cast to the heavens and the other gripped around the banister rail for the stairs. His silver haired head is bobbing up and down as he tries to regulate his breathing.

This story has moved. You can read the full tale here: http://www.neilbeynon.com/fiction/precious/

 

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3 responses

25 04 2008
GLP

I initially found the scene jumps a bit disorientating, but once I got my head around them, I enjoyed it as (literally) kitchen sink drama. I also liked the way you didn’t over-explain the significance of the medallion.

26 04 2008
Neil

Thanks for the feedback Gareth.

I agree about the scene jumps, structurally speaking I’m not sure the piece is entirely successful. To be honest I think I probably clipped it too much trying to get it under 1k.

27 04 2008
Abbi

Sarah sounds like a dirty pirate hooker!

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