Ready for my close up

Assuming of course you’re shooting a film involving a bespecled, bearded chap dressed like a tramp and sporting a full set of luggage under his eyes.

Apologies for the lack of bloggage. It’s been a bit frantic this week with family stuff (Niece being born), work and my stuffing up my time management due to last week’s trip to Wales and thankfully I have tomorrow off. Which, judging from the amount of soy sauce I just spilt down my white shirt, is a good thing.

I have a list of things to be posting about that are backing up and so expect some content to be coming your way soon. Just caught a glimpse of myself in the monitor.

Oh lord, I look frightening today:

Not so much web 2.0 today as Hobo 1.0.

Sticky Bits

Things I learned this weekend:

- If feeding family home cooked ham with sticky bits it’s best to stand back
- Pineapple eaten whilst bouncing on a pink ball following a long walk induces labour
- A golden retriever can hear a banana being peeled at fifteen paces
- You don’t want to know what a sweep is
- Be careful what you leave lying on the kitchen counter
- Never ask G to navigate unless you like adventures in the valleys
- It is not possible to ask a question to which the answer “sticky bits” does not produce instant innuendo
- In the event sticky bits doesn’t work just ask my sister, E, how she likes her peri peri

A brief interlude…

The walk to work this morning:

I’m sooo tired.

YES…YOU DO LOOK A BIT WORSE FOR WEAR

Ow. Jeez, you’d think people would look where they’re going.

YOU’D THINK

Say, you’re a bit thin, you need some feeding up. Oh wow! I can smell freshly baked pastry; I’m really hungry . Is that…oh shit the lights have changed….*runs fuelled by profanity and adrenaline*

That was close.

YES IT WAS

Same time tomorrow?

PROBABLY

Deadline…what’s that?

Well, today has nearly gone. As expected I failed to finish The Woodsman today although I have managed to get to Chapter 17 - around eighteen thousand words to go. Of course - although it is a major rewrite - it is the third draft and so not quite as daunting as it sounds. Feel free to rib me mercilessly.

I’m probably a week to a fortnight of finishing the structural rewrite. Then, due to the amount of new material, I’ll need to do a line rewrite. The latter will probably have to wait a few weeks for me to distance myself from it a bit and then it’s off to my test readers. Hmm. Still seems like a lot.

My main aim now is just to finish the structural rewrite as soon as possible. Mainly because I haven’t really been writing any short stories - other than flash - while I’ve been working on it and I need to produce some in time for mid July. This is because I’ll be attending an Arvon course in late July, and I want to make sure I have some material to be ripped apart critiqued.

I wasn’t the only one who missed a deadline. Today is the day my brother’s daughter was expected to be born - I still can’t quite believe it: seems frightfully grown up. Anyway, I’m looking forward to going home soon and seeing everyone. It seems like ages since I was in Wales.

In other news, work is continuing on my new site. I’m struggling to find a theme that I want to use and so I’m considering whether a) I want to show advertising from day one or wait until the traffic is there and b) whether I want to just design the styesheet myself. To be honest I’m thinking I might be better off just getting content up there and worrying about a snazzy advertising integrated theme once I have the traffic.

Any ideas?

Wild Man

So it’s my birthday. Apparently I’m 29, that wasn’t in the script. I’d like to speak to my agent. Now.

I have the day off - never work your birthday - and as soon as I’ve finished this coffee I’m going to nail chapter fifteen to the floor. I had a quick glance at what else was happening in 1979: I knew about Thatcher coming to power, I had no idea Three Mile Island happened that year, I was bemused that Mountbatten shuffled off that year…or more accurately was kicked off and Star Trek The Motion Picture premiered. Of course, my source is wikipedia and I wasn’t exactly paying attention at the time so who knows what really happened.

Anyway, plans for today mainly revolve around not turning myself neon again, writing me a bunch of words, reading in my garden and consuming my own body weight in haribo (other sweets are available). If I’m feeling brave I may even pop to Greenwich.

Yes readers: I am a wild man.

M.O.T Monday

Another year, another M.O.T. After last time you’d think I’d be organised, find a reliable garage that would sort out my service without having to auction my kidneys. Alas, you’d be wrong.

What actually happened was that I managed, somehow, to be less organised than last year, phoning through my booking to Kwik Fit two days before the damn thing ran out. Why Kwik Fit? Well, I used them in the past, thought they were good, heard they were good and refused to use Ford after last year. Having confirmed with the bloke on the phone that they would definitely be able to do both the service and the MOT on the Saturday I felt reasonably confident I’d done job.

Oh how wrong can one man be?

Very, it turns out. First up I managed to get lost in Erith - just two miles from my house. Next on getting G to phone the garage we discovered that the chap who had helpfully taken the call had neglected to tell the manager or write it down. No booking, no MOT and around forty-eight hours until the certificate ran out.

I had a moment.

Next up G, ever calm under fire, has to phone around half of London to get an appointment in a suitable time frame. The good news is she finds one, the bad news is it’s Ford and it’s in North Essex. Remember: I got lost two miles from my house. North Essex is NOT two miles from my house. This was not going to end well.

And that’s how I found myself at 10AM this morning driving through Essex in the sunshine. Seriously, it could have been a disaster but it wasn’t, I managed to get there, drop the car off, wander round the town centre, amusing myself for several hours and wander back without so much of an incident.

I even managed to dodge getting landed with a massive bill.

Of course there is the minor detail, a tiny thing really, that being: you could currently fry an egg on my forehead. You see I was to busy wandering around enjoying the sun to remember that I didn’t have sun cream on, that I had left my hat in the house and too dumb to notice that I was starting to resemble a baked potato. Judging by the headache I’ve got I really over did it.

So that was Monday. All in all quite good. After all I’ll be saving money on gas tonight, for tonight Matthew I am the human grill.

Bargain.

Can you see the joins?

A quick note.

Yesterday was spent in Camden, a place I haven’t been to in ages and we are talking years not months. I can’t really understand why as I really like the market a lot and when the sun is out the canal is a great place to walk along. Or - as I used to do - cycle.

I was in Camden for “No Barcodes” a small event set up by London Undergound Comics and featuring, amongst others, my friend Zarina’s  work. Murky Depths were also there and I continued what is fast becoming a tradition of missing Terry (the editor) whom I keep meaning to pop over to say hello to. Ah well, I’m sure it’ll happen eventually. Later on we wandered off to the cinema - you would not win any money for guessing a film review will feature at some point this week.

Today has been spent working on The Woodsman (almost certainly due to undergo yet another title change on completion). I’m pleased to report I’m a little closer to being on track to finish on time having completed the rewrite of the second act and brought my characters back to the correct place. It remains to be seen whether the structural work is as seamless as I hope it is, I’ve written the thing over such a lengthy time period I am concerned the prose is of varying standards. I like to think I’m much improved on when I started this one.

And that’s it. I have to get back to it or I’ll just slip back behind again.

The week that was

Well, that was a tougher week than I was expecting.

It’s funny isn’t it? You get back from holiday and you always expect it to be a bit of a shock to the system but no matter how hard you prepare it’s always a shock in an unexpected way. So it goes I guess.

Monday was our first full day in the UK and we switched on to GMT quite well. I was feeling a little stiff after the flight but nothing out of the ordinary, or so I thought, by Monday night I confess I was struggling to move my head. By Tuesday morning I couldn’t move my head at all, in fact the only way I could get out of bed was to roll onto the floor and then stand through moving just my waist and knees. So that was the first thing, I was stuck like that most of the week. It’s funny how only turning from the waist unnerves people, I felt like a bond villain…albeit one that has gone to seed.

The next thing I can’t really tell you, suffice to say it’s a four letter word beginning with W and a source of ongoing stress. I’m told this is normal.

Finally today the third thing happened. You know how bad luck always goes in threes? Well that’s what I’m hoping anyway as it means I’ll be due some good luck. Anyhow: this morning I’m talking to my mum, who’s visiting at the moment, and all of a sudden we can hear a very loud dripping. Now after the last plumbing related debacle I have a pretty fine ear for any potentially unplanned water feature and so I leapt into action…pausing briefly to yelp for my neck. On pulling back the curtains I discover that our bay window is leaking water from about four or five different places across the frame.

I had a brief moment.

So that was the third thing. I hope. And I now fully expect all three recently submitted pieces to come back with acceptances as a means of redressing the balance…what do you mean it doesn’t work like that?

In writing related news I finally sent off a short story I’ve been working on for ages. Good for the soul that. And I’ve been slowly building the segue between Golgotha and the forest for The Woodsman in preparation for the major surgery required to bring the end rather closer to what I would like to say with the story than the way it is now. I think I’ll still hit my deadline of the 15th June but it will be touch and go.

But hit it I shall. Why? Because yesterday I started laying down notes for what I’m pretty sure will be my next novel length project and I’m keen to get going. I’m very excited.

Now back to the forest. I have Tream to kill and gods to pick fights with.*

* For the newer readers: no I haven’t been taking hard drugs, I am referring to my story The Woodsman.

There and Back Again

Well, I’m back in the UK again, sat upon my bright red couch and trying to stay awake until the sun goes down. It occurred to me - after I’d done it - that working out I’d been up since 11pm Friday UK time wasn’t the best way to go about that.

We had a fantastic time in New Zealand. It was really cool meeting up with M and C after such a long time; their place overlooking Evan’s Bay has views that I honestly don’t think one could ever get tired of. Christchurch was a huge amount of fun and of course our trip to Kaikoura was a particular highlight.

Hell, I even managed to write a fair bit. And while I’m on the subject I’m pleased to report that I’ve finished another two chapters of the third draft of The Woodsman as well as starting a new short story. Most importantly I began to have ideas again, they - ideas - generally dry up when I’m burned out as I was before I left the UK and only return once my shoulders drop down from around my ears.

Now I have until Tuesday morning to get over my jet lag before I rejoin the real world once more. I think sleep is going to feature rather large on my agenda as well as my quarterly shear in aid of looking vaguely like I’m gainfully employed.

I’m going now as I’ve started talking about haircuts - a sure sign I’m waaay too tired.

Short update…

This week is proving mental. Work is quite busy as I’m trying to get things cleared before I head - quite literally - to the other side of the world in a few weeks. Meanwhile we’re trying to get everything co-ordinated for the kitchen install in late May/early June; plus there’s birthday parties and trips to Weymouth as well as planning the afore mentioned trip to the other side of the world. It’s been a lot of fun reading about New Zealand and I’m now quite excited. Oh and I went back to Wales last weekend.

So a bit on.

As a result I’m quite pleased that I’ve managed to write every day since around the beginning of March, sometimes it’s only around five hundred words and others I’m merrily steaming away at 2000 words plus. But I’m doing it and I’m enjoying it. The Woodsman’s progress has slowed as I’m now into one of the heavy rewrites, having to refer back to notes and research material but I’ve also managed to finish another short story. That’ll go out to market in the next few days. Once I decide where to send it.

And now to work once more.