Friday Flash Fiction: Blink

Blink
By Neil Beynon

Matt had always been angry.

No one was sure why, least of all him. It would well up inside him, bubbling higher and higher until like a kettle it tripped a switch and suddenly he would be calm again. Wondering why he had reacted like that. Trouble was: the size of the kettle kept growing.

It was a Tuesday when it first happened. Matt’s anger settled on him like an iron cloak, pulling his neck and shoulders tight, his head spinning with the strain of it. He closed his eyes as a last attempt at grabbing at some self restraint.

When he opened his eyes the object of his anger was gone.

The man – his name was Jeff, he had twin baby girls called Sally and Sarah, and a wife called Alison who was rumoured to be having an affair with Nick from Accounts – had been talking about the need for rationalisation. He had been in mid flow. Now he was gone. There was no sign of him at all.

Confused, Matt waited a few minutes before wandering from the room, reasoning that Jeff had finished and left whilst Matt zoned out. Matt zoned out frequently, it was a way to cope with the dull monotony and so it was not an unreasonable supposition.

But it was wrong.

As he discovered when queuing for the train that evening, the heaving conga pushing him this way and that. Matt’s mobile was knocked from his hand, shattering and drawing stares from those around but not from the person who had knocked it. Matt seethed. He closed his eyes to count to ten and then –

They were gone. Everyone in the station concourse: passengers, guards, shop attendants, cleaners, tramps, all gone. Frightened Matt ran out of the station towards the street. People still walked around, buses still ran, there was nothing untoward. Still the station was empty.

Matt got the bus home.

Matt was calm for a long time after that. Maybe as long as a month but eventually the memory faded to the sepia tones of something he’d imagined rather than something that had happened. After all, people don’t just disappear?

It was a Saturday when he finally lost control. They went to a supermarket, they being Matt and his girlfriend Anne. Matt did not like supermarkets, insisting if he were to come that they leave early to avoid the rush but half the city had the same idea, it was after all sale season. Instead of arriving in good time they had to queue for an hour to get in the car park and wrestle with a man from Finchley, who stank vaguely of urine, to get a trolley. Really it was a miracle Matt lasted until they got to the marmalade section.

In the marmalade section, Anne talking about some trip she had booked, Matt tried to make a decision but it wasn’t easy. The supermarket had stacked enough marmalade for half the western world: orange, lemon, lime, prune, thin cut, thick cut, traditional, finest, gourmet, home made, free range, super-size, medium, small and, of course, not one was the actual jar he was looking for.

He picked up a jar to look at it and, so tightly packed was the shelf, the jar toppled from the shelf, meeting the floor with a loud crack as it shattered, spilling its sugary innards across the lino. Everyone looked.

“You’ll have to pay for that,” said the attendant behind Matt, the same attendant who had just over-stacked the shelf.

His heart was pounding in his chest like a mule kicking for freedom; over the sound of it he could hear Anne berating him. Aware that hitting the attendant was not a good idea Matt closed his eyes.

Silence – and then he remembered.

Matt’s eyes snapped open. It was too late: the supermarket was empty. No attendant, no staff at all, no shoppers and no Anne. Matt ran out into the street, a cold hand twisting in his gut, bile in the back of his throat as looked for Anne. In the car park people went on with their daily business.

Back in the supermarket: silence.

Matt sat down on a pile of tins. The cold fear was slowly subsiding, along with the shock and in their place some other emotion was rising, at first in small bubbles and then with increasing violence. Matt was angry, angry with the supermarket for being so busy, with Anne for bringing him here, with the world for making him angry and with himself for being so angry.

Matt screamed long and hard until his throat was raw, spittle flecking the side of his mouth. When he was done the supermarket was still empty. People from the car park ambled cautiously towards the shop to see what all the noise was about and Matt reached a decision.

He closed his eyes.

Afterwards no one could say what happened. The people who came in from the car park asked about the screaming but no one in the supermarket had heard anything at all. Other than a lady who was convinced she had lost something – although she had no idea what – there was nothing else out of the ordinary that Saturday.

Carefully Anne stepped over the marmalade that had been spilt on the floor. Some people, she thought, have no idea how to clean up after themselves and she left the marmalade section. After all, she didn’t like it anyway: too bitter.

The Woodsman - A quick update

It’s been a little while since I posted on this.

I’m still finishing off the structural rewrite. There was not much that could be salvaged from the end other than the very loose skeleton of the story and so it’s taking longer than expected, despite me working on it every day. I’ve also had to add in some crucial extra scenes in order to pace the action better. It’s tricky work but I’m getting there - chapter twenty is nearly in the bag.

It remains to be seen whether it will be of commercial length or indeed more importantly worth.

Once that’s done it’s going in a virtual draw for a couple of weeks while I write some shorter material for the Arvon course I’m attending and then it’s back to it. I have to finish by August as I have the first draft of my second novel, Forever, sitting in a draw demanding to be turned into a second draft.

That’s where I am at the moment.

Friday Flash Fiction: Descent

Hopefully this marks the end of my very specific writer’s block around Flash Fiction. Feedback, as ever, is welcomed. Enjoy:

Descent
By Neil Beynon

I keep having a reoccurring dream:

I am standing on grass, a short distance from an airport. It’s not a real airport and I only recognise it because on some level I know I’m dreaming. That I’ve stood here before.

I look up at the sky and planes drop from the blue like oversized snowflakes, rising on the occasional gust but ultimately crunching into the ground. There is nothing cold about the landing, the flames giving way to rolling mountains of thick black smoke that chokes.

There is no sound. That’s how I know I’m dreaming.

I have dreamt this for the last eighteen months on and off. Sometimes Mary is there, sometimes she isn’t. I’m not sure what it means. I’m dreaming it now as my body hurtles along at 500mph, strapped to a metal tube that is all that keeps me from falling.

The sound of a glass being set down on my seat tray shatters my dream, leaving me clambering through the shards for the memory of where I am. It doesn’t take me long to find it.

Mary is next to me. She is fidgeting with her hair, eyes fixed on the window, mind lost on the clouds. I never figured her for a nervous flyer, that’s more me. Still it only takes one bad thought. Or dream.

I take a pull from the scotch in front of me, its amber fire scores my throat on the way down. I’m really awake now.

“You OK?” I ask her.

She nods.

She shakes her head.

“I’m leaving you,” she says.

And just like that I’m falling.

:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::

Friday Free Fiction: Bag Lady

I went over, hence the change in title. This is an experiment. Feedback welcomed.

Bag Lady
By Neil Beynon

I confess there are days when I do not feel like writing. Days when the page flashes a white neon tundra at me and the cursor blinks accusingly at me. On these days I fear it - whatever it is - has gone for good and panic wraps its steely arms around my chest.

Bad form I know but still: it’s true.

As I sit here struggling to think of something to say, something new to grab your attention, my mind wanders, it pulls at the thread of memories past, picks them up, turns them around, looking for new ways to stitch them, new patterns that might entertain. One by one they are discarded like used tissue.

I type a sentence. Something to hook my attention. I let it sit there, its naked serifs flapping in the wind. This is going to be hard.

The memory when it comes is not picked up. It invades.

It begins with a smell. A faint whisper at the edge of my nostrils, an odour dancing on the slight swells and troughs of the air as it curls around you like a silent, invisible gas. It is the smell of dust undercut with bad perfume and urine, shot through with notes of faeces. It is the smell of old age. It is the smell of death barely postponed…

#

…It is the smell of the old woman pressing against me before I can even get to the paramedic. She is bleeding. Her forehead is a mess of grey skin, pink flesh and blood. The woman’s movement is so violent she gets blood all over my uniform. And dirt, her right hand leaves dark smudges all over my uniform; I won’t get them out, no matter how hard I wash.

“Don’t let them take it,” she exhales in my ear. Her breathe could strip enamel and it leaves me feeling giddy as the paramedic separates us, helping her to sit down. She is clutching something, a small bundle of rags, to her chest with her left arm. The paramedic makes the mistake of touching the bundle in trying to help her to rest easier and earns a swift cuff from her free arm.

It leaves a welt on his cheek, red and angry, as he stumbles backwards.

“Jesus,” he says.

“Looks like you’ve made a new friend Matt,” I reply.

Matt is a good paramedic and he doesn’t give me shit like a lot of them do. That he’s here is a good sign: calm under fire. I can feel the crowd watching me as I lead Matt to one side, the old lady with his partner.

#

I delete the line. It was a stupid hook: melodramatic and self-indulgent. The starkness of the page is hurting my eyes, a migraine loitering with intent and so I look out the window at the street.

There are kids playing. Harmless, shrieking and laughter but it jars against the inside of my skull, jacks my shoulders up. And I never used to be like this so…

#

“…so what happened?”

“Apparently, she’s been wandering round all day,” says Matt. “Then some kids turn up, start jeering at her, trying to take the bundle off her, throwing things at her and she goes down hard. She cracked her head on the curb by the looks of it.”

“Right,” I reply. I know the answer before I ask but I need to none the less. “And no one said anything to the kids?”

“No,” says Matt. “No they didn’t. And they’re long gone. As soon as it gets serious they all run.”

“OK,” I reply. “Is she ok to give a statement?”

“Probably not,” he said. “But give it a go.”

I turn to talk to the old woman then stop.

“Why is she talking to the bundle?” I ask Matt.

“She thinks it’s a baby,” he replies.

It does in fact look baby shaped. My eyebrow must have risen to full mast because Matt continues: “It’s not a baby, just some rotting vegetable she’s picked up somewhere along the line. She won’t let go of it.”

#

I select all the words I have just written and delete them. Hollow things unworthy of the save command. I look up vegetables on Wikipedia. I can’t find the one the old woman had. I do see a pumpkin. I hate pumpkins, even the smell of them is…

#

…is turgid and I do not wish to experience it close up again. That fetid stench is wafting from the woman, if she were in a cartoon green lines would be streaming off her. Still, a job is a job.

My throat is burning by the time I’m within a foot of her.

“Hello,” I say. “What’s your name?”

“Hello,” she replies.

“What’s your name?” I ask.

“Ann,” whispers Matt.

“Ann,” I repeat. “Ann, can you tell me what happened?”

“Trolls,” she says.

“Sorry?”

“Trolls,” she repeats. “Pigmy trolls attacked me, tried to take my baby. Please don’t let them take my baby.”

Her free hand grips my arm with surprising strength and attempts to bend my will to hers.

I step back, extricating myself with care. There were no trolls here, just children without the empathy to leave an old woman at home, depressing but hardly a newsflash.

This woman’s mind fractured a long time before she cracked her skull on the concrete and I don’t have time to piece it together. I look at the crowd. No one meets my eyes but that’s ok, I’m looking for something else.

#

Trolls…I could write about trolls. I wrote about them once but no one else much liked it. The thing about trolls is they are metaphorically limited. A trope that is hard to use outside a specific context.

I look at the news, hoping for inspiration. Instead I see the bag lady staring up at me from the local. I don’t remember it being that bright but…

#

The sun glints off the window of the ambulance. The glare makes me blink.

“Alright,” I say to Matt stepping back. “You can take her. I can’t get anything sensible out of her.”

“We’ve been trying,” he replies. “We can’t get her in the ambulance without taking the bundle off her and she goes mental every time we try.”

“Goes mental?”

“Ha ha. You know what I mean,” he said pointing at his face.

“Can’t you just let her keep it?”

“It’s a biohazard,” he replies.

“It’s a bloody vegetable,” I reply.

“I agree, still I can’t take it in the van,” he replies.

“Then just take it off her,” I say.

“Tried,” he says, pointing at his face and then his arm, a set of teeth mark lining his wrist.

“Oh for f***’s sake,” I reply.

It only takes two paces to return to her. I pull the bundle gently but firmly from her grasp without warning or asking. Subsequently I am out of range again before she registers what’s happened. The vegetable stares up at me from the rags. It looks like a deformed and rotting turnip, surface slick with something that looks like milk. It smells worse than she does.

Ann screams long and loud. Expletives rain down on me like a flash flood. Then the threats: she’ll kill me, she’ll die, she’ll…I’ve stopped listening. Instead, I drop the bundle in a nearby bin.

#

My arse is numb from sitting too long. Still no words. I stand and run my fingers through my hair, some of it comes away in my hands, a little bit every day, soon I’ll have to bite the bullet and shave it all off. Funny, I never thought I’d be bald. Then again I never thought I’d be a lot of things.

That shopkeeper, the one with the CCTV camera, had an awful comb over. He was about as much help…

#

…the shopkeeper sends me away with: “Sorry mate, it’s just a…what is it called…deterrent. No tape. Tape costs money.” There is an awkward beat where I decide that it isn’t worth an argument and turn on my heel.

The street is quiet when I come out. The crowd’s gaze turns on me once more, a hostile look, an accusing look full of unspoken words. I look around for Matt.

I find him in the back of the ambulance. His face is set as he presses down on the woman’s sternum, as if he’s trying to force her back into her body. I watch as his colleague swings shut the door. I’m still watching as the ambulance pulls off, lights flashing blue on blue.



#

The woman died.

It wasn’t her head. She’d had cancer for a long time. The doctors couldn’t understand how she’d been walking around given the pain she must have been in. She just shut down: no ones fault.

I close the laptop. I can beat my mind against the page as long as I want but it won’t let go of that bundle, and trapped behind it are the words.

But there you have it: Some days I just don’t feel like writing.

:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::

Things What I Learned

I’ve been chattering on about my novel for long enough. Obviously some of this has – hopefully – imparted some wisdom along the lines of not doing what I do i.e. setting wildly unrealistic deadlines. However I’ve learned loads through this project, about myself, about writing and about fiction; mainly I’ve learned through mistakes and that’s part of what makes it fun. I thought it might be of use:*

1. There are no rules – The most important lesson, requires constant re-enforcing courtesy of a state education.

2. First drafts should be written as fast as possible – if you can’t write quickly at least separate the creative process from the editing process, for example: write in the morning, edit in the evening; or vice versa; or write in the week and edit at the weekends; you get the idea.

3. World building is not wasted time – if you’re writing other world fantasy or SF you need to generate as much material as possible here to avoid running out…quite literally…of ground around the middle of Act Two.**

4. Leave time between drafts.

5. Don’t leave too long between drafts – a fortnight is probably enough and if you leave it longer then you – like me – will find yourself working on the manuscript years after the first draft and rewriting simply to reflect what you’ve learned in the interim. At some point you have to move on.

6. Plotting by scene cards is really useful.

7. Plotting by scene cards is the devil’s work.

8. Plot happens whether you plan it or not. Go with whatever gets the thing finished.

9. Never try to incorporate a ideas that don’t ring true for you. Even if it’s meant to be a pastiche or tribute to another writer, include what’s true for you – you may even create something new and, even if you don’t, I guarantee your readers will thank you for it.

10. Copy edits are best done by reading the text aloud. That way you are forcing yourself to think as a new reader, if you can’t say it they won’t be able to read it.

And of course never forget the unwritten rule: always check you haven’t inadvertently picked a Kevin Bacon film as your story title.

*Although I’d encourage you to find out for yourself.
** Please believe me on this – you do not want to be doing research and redefining the landscape in the middle of drafts.

:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::

Deadline…what’s that?

Well, today has nearly gone. As expected I failed to finish The Woodsman today although I have managed to get to Chapter 17 - around eighteen thousand words to go. Of course - although it is a major rewrite - it is the third draft and so not quite as daunting as it sounds. Feel free to rib me mercilessly.

I’m probably a week to a fortnight of finishing the structural rewrite. Then, due to the amount of new material, I’ll need to do a line rewrite. The latter will probably have to wait a few weeks for me to distance myself from it a bit and then it’s off to my test readers. Hmm. Still seems like a lot.

My main aim now is just to finish the structural rewrite as soon as possible. Mainly because I haven’t really been writing any short stories - other than flash - while I’ve been working on it and I need to produce some in time for mid July. This is because I’ll be attending an Arvon course in late July, and I want to make sure I have some material to be ripped apart critiqued.

I wasn’t the only one who missed a deadline. Today is the day my brother’s daughter was expected to be born - I still can’t quite believe it: seems frightfully grown up. Anyway, I’m looking forward to going home soon and seeing everyone. It seems like ages since I was in Wales.

In other news, work is continuing on my new site. I’m struggling to find a theme that I want to use and so I’m considering whether a) I want to show advertising from day one or wait until the traffic is there and b) whether I want to just design the styesheet myself. To be honest I’m thinking I might be better off just getting content up there and worrying about a snazzy advertising integrated theme once I have the traffic.

Any ideas?

It had to happen sooner or later…

OK. After 47, more or less, consecutive Friday Flash Fiction entries I’m afraid I’ve lucked out this week and there will be no entry today. *Hangs head in shame*

I did actually write a piece but - although the idea is good - it’s just not polished enough to post and so I’m going to work on it some more before posting it next Friday. I don’t want to just put things out there for the sake of it - I want to grab your attention, to entertain you.

In the meantime, and so you don’t feel let down, I’d like to draw your attention to some of the stories I’m most proud of from 2008 (the full archive is available on the nav bar above). They are in no particular order:

Pixies
After The Rain
Faraway
Territory
Touched

You can check out Friday Free Fiction at Futurismic. And don’t forget the other fictioneers (apologies if I miss anyone - feel free to self-promote on the comments thread):

Greg O’Bryne
Sarah Ellender
Shaun C. Green
Dr Ian Hocking
Gareth D. Jones
Jay Lake
Martin McGrath
Dan Pawley
Justin Pickard
Gareth Lyn Powell (Originator)
Paul Raven

And remember kids: I shall return Mwaaahahahaha!

Time machine needed

So I’ve been working hard on the redraft of The Woodsman and managed to tidy up a major character’s exit without too many headaches.

However, it’s the 11th June today and my self imposed deadline of the 15th looks increasingly unrealistic. The structural changes were, on delving into the manuscript, far more substantial than I thought and I’m now basically rewriting the remaining four chapters from scratch. This means that I will need to do a final copy edit before the thing can go to my test readers.

Even if I did a copy edit on the back of finishing the rewrite (NOT a good idea) the manuscript is too long (probably going to wind up at around 85-90k) to do that in the time left. But bugger it, I’m too far along to quit now.

Trust me I’ll make some noise when it’s done.

In other news: I thought it was worth explaining why book reviews have all but disappeared of this site. Any new content that is, the old ones can still be found if you look for them.

The reason for this is not because I’ve gone mad and given up reading but because I am working on a new site project that will involve this type of content. I have the domain, the cms, the analytics and the hosting. I’m just working on the look and feel. As ever time is at a premium slowing things down to an annoying crawl.

Again, once it is in a workable state I will post about it here. What I can say is that like my reading it won’t be genre specific; anything will be fair game.

That’s it for now. I may post about the age banding proposal from publishers (about which I can and do rant at length) if I have…you’ve guessed it…time.

Friday Flash Fiction: The Cold Glass

Ok, here’s this week’s offering. Feedback- as ever - appreciated.

The Cold Glass
By Neil Beynon

It started on a Thursday. It was a strange feeling in Nick’s chest that grew steadily throughout the day and continued through Friday. He felt, alternatively, like a large weight had been rested across his torso and then, at other moments, like his torso was entirely hollow, as if his insides had been extracted with a giant syringe.

It was unsettling.

On Saturday matters came to a head and he could no longer hide it from his girlfriend. That morning a shriek rudely woke Nick from his slumber. Startled he saw Susan, his girlfriend, back pressed against the wall clutching a sheet to her front, masking her curves as best she could.

“Susan, what the he..?” Nick began; his throat raw and parched. He tailed off as he followed he horrified gaze back to the bed, there was another figure laid out on the bed next to him. Nick slid from the bed as if ejected by a giant spring. Susan made strange noise in the back of her throat, here eyes darting from the figure in the bed to Nick.

The movement woke the sleeping man and blearily he lifted his head to look at what the disturbance was. Susan slid down the wall in a slow faint, her head making a dull thud as it struck the bare polished floorboards. Nick gazed at the face, both familiar and strange for he had never seen it from this angle.

It was Nick’s own.

Identical expressions of shock did battle with each other for an independent face. In the end it was the Nick who stood that spoke first, his voice cracked and breaking like their sense of reality.

“Who…what…are you?” he whispered.

“I’m Nick. Who are you?” replied bed Nick, his voice equally uncertain.

“You can’t be,” replied standing Nick. “I’m Nick.”

“Bullshit,” said bed Nick. He was angry now, sitting up and raising his finger to standing Nick. Standing Nick stared at his own birthmark on the man’s forearm, ran his hand down his forearm to where his birthmark sat, it was still there.

“Tell me something only I’d know,” answered standing Nick.

Bed Nick blinked. He too had spotted the birthmark. He paused before he answered, uncertain if he were doing the right thing. When he spoke his words were measured.

“When I was a boy I once saw someone killed,” said bed Nick. “We were in Africa, in a convoy, I was supposed to be asleep but I wasn’t, I was looking out of the window from under the blanket…”

“…And you saw the guard at the checkpoint kill the driver in front he…”

“…cut the driver’s throat.”

They finished the end in unison, each staring at the other in shock.

“God,” they both whispered.

Both Nick’s carried the unconscious Susan to the bed; they placed her carefully under the duvet and made their way down the stairs to talk. Upstairs Susan slept fitfully, lost in dreams in which an army of Nick marched through the town taking whatever they wanted.

Bed Nick lit a cigarette before standing Nick had a chance. The smell reminded standing Nick of his parched throat and he poured himself a glass of water instead, refusing the lighter as it was offered. They sat either side of the kitchen table, as if playing chess, each one daring the other to speak, to ask the question.

“How did it happen?” asked bed Nick eventually.

“I don’t know,” standing Nick answered. “I felt weird the last couple of days.”

“Me too,” said bed Nick.

“Which one of us is the real Nick?” asked standing Nick.

Bed Nick paused, drawing deeply on his cigarette. “Maybe we both are.”

“That’s not possible,” said standing Nick. “It can’t be.”

“Well I remember everything you do, feel the same as you do,” said bed Nick. “Doesn’t that make us the same person?”

“Not sure,” said standing Nick. “Although I remember reading something by some philosopher that said it would.”

“It was a physicist,” said bed Nick. “I remember that. Do you think one of us is from another universe then?”

“It would explain this…here right now…but not the feeling from the last few days…it’s like you came from inside…whilst I was asleep.”

“Or vice versa.”

Standing Nick stared at his counterpart, lounging in the chair, cigarette in hand. His mind raced over the morning’s events, reaching conclusions, tickling possibilities and giving birth to hypotheses. Susan was an ever present whisper in the back of standing Nick’s mind.

“You know this could be a good thing…” began standing Nick.

“…we could use this to our advantage,” continued bed Nick. “Think of the possibilities…work…crime…”

Standing Nick looked at bed Nick as he spoke. The way bed Nick’s eyes wandered round the kitchen, the twitching of his cigarette, the stubble on his jaw, the slight but ever present belly and the unspoken Susan on his lips. Standing Nick knew exactly what he was thinking of, exactly what possibilities he intended to start with and more, much more than he ever wanted to know.

Nick turned his back on his counterpart. Gazed out at the garden beyond the window, it was a wild and overgrown place that he’d let get out of hand. He really ought to sort it out. Idly his hand wrapped around a dirty knife on the draining board in front of him. Glancing down, even through the smeared grime, he could see his own reflection.

He didn’t like it.

Can you see the joins?

A quick note.

Yesterday was spent in Camden, a place I haven’t been to in ages and we are talking years not months. I can’t really understand why as I really like the market a lot and when the sun is out the canal is a great place to walk along. Or - as I used to do - cycle.

I was in Camden for “No Barcodes” a small event set up by London Undergound Comics and featuring, amongst others, my friend Zarina’s  work. Murky Depths were also there and I continued what is fast becoming a tradition of missing Terry (the editor) whom I keep meaning to pop over to say hello to. Ah well, I’m sure it’ll happen eventually. Later on we wandered off to the cinema - you would not win any money for guessing a film review will feature at some point this week.

Today has been spent working on The Woodsman (almost certainly due to undergo yet another title change on completion). I’m pleased to report I’m a little closer to being on track to finish on time having completed the rewrite of the second act and brought my characters back to the correct place. It remains to be seen whether the structural work is as seamless as I hope it is, I’ve written the thing over such a lengthy time period I am concerned the prose is of varying standards. I like to think I’m much improved on when I started this one.

And that’s it. I have to get back to it or I’ll just slip back behind again.