Friday Flash Fiction

2 11 2007

This post has moved. You can read this story here:

I struggled a little this week. Various reasons including my own incompetence. If you enjoy my weekly scribblings, and even if you don’t, you should check out some of the other Friday Flash Fictioneers: Gareth Lyn Powell, Paul Raven, Shaun Green, Gareth D. Jones, Martin McGrath, Dan Pawley and Justin Pickard.

Anyhow here is my little ditty for the offering:

By Neil Beynon

His chest felt tight, so tight it hurt. He’d once been stuck under a bench press, the victim of too much bravado, this felt a little like that. His knees buckled beneath him, his eyes watered and he found himself not looking up but at the carpet.

It was thick and soft beneath his knuckles. As the room span he focused on each individual piece of carpet, a pile jungle waiting for microscopic explorers to encounter. It’s funny the things you think of in a crisis.

There was a movement from the other side of the room, quiet but there; pulling him back to the present. The 10am sun filtered through the window in swirls of rainbow-flavoured light. There had been a rainbow on the day he got married, he’d gotten soaked on his way to the church and had looked out on it from the stone porch, his best man nudging him in awe; the bridal car pulling up just as it faded.

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5 responses

2 11 2007

There’s some good imagery in here – the bench press, the 10 am sun filtering through the window in rainbow flavours – but I’m not sure what was in bed with his wife. Maybe I missed something. Was it an angel?

2 11 2007

Thanks GLP. The thing in the bed is meant to be ambiguous and down to the reader to take away what they want from it, I suppose it could even just be the wronged party viewing the wife’s bedfellow as sub-human?

It’s a risky strategy with fiction and it doesn’t always work. In this case maybe if I’d used the protaganist as the narrator it would have been more effective.

8 11 2007

I actually liked the ambiguity, and I really loved the rainbow imagery

19 02 2011
Friday Flash Fiction: Elevator «Flotsam:

[…] be an eventful Christmas, the light from the setting sun bounced of the surface of the river in a rainbow cascade. Eventful indeed, he could feel it in the […]

19 02 2011
Friday Flash Fiction: Elevator 2 – Tin Clouds «Flotsam:

[…] the edge of the world where the rainbow's end, there lies a Tinman who sought to rejoin the […]

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